It's been almost about one year since I last wrote anything. After years of remaining in a relationship that left me physically, emotionally and unable to recognize who I had become, I found myself and ended my engagement And I love myself for that. I'll be posting all those changes, as I continue to write. Hopefully this time at least once a month. There are so many things I could write about.
Tulsa, Oklahoma - What I learned about the people, places, and Spiders
From Stilettos to Combat Boots: (Girl Miltiary Life and more)
The Plant I Tried to Save - Holding and when you know its time to let go
Single life at 27 - How to survive a relationship set you back a few years.
Organizing "It Girl" Style
Fashion Merchandising Degree - Finding your purpose in life at any age and making the change
Talking to Strangers: Communicating with just about anybody you want
How to make just about anybody like you?
Is your Soul Mate really just your BEST Friend?
5 Years, Engaged, Building a House and then I wake up
Organizing Your life while you Party Like a Rockstar
DJ Kris' Billboard Top 100 - the music that shaped life
Will I still love "The Hills" when I'm 30?
Sometimes I'm Jealous of Myself (looking at your life from the outside and loving it)
Love Me/Hate Me - people you meet in life that love you & hate you
The Mean Girl and the Smart Girl - and somewhere in between (how and why I survived honors class with the top 25 GPA students but partyed with all the popular kids on the weekend.
"When I Come Home For My 10-Year Reunion, I will come back Sexy, Single, Skinny and Hot" (how I once predicted that I would be the one to plan our high school 10-year reunion and also listed what I wanted to have accomplished before coming back (skinnier then high school, sexy, long hair, awesome job, living somewhere great, not married, no kids, pluse loving life and how this has recently become a reality. (Ironic?)
Army Barbies - attractive women in the Army: (a memoir of how finding friends that are like me is just as hard as fighting off the men that want to get with me without having a negative affect on my career
Church girl and Private School? (a strict religious childhood, the lies, hyprocrites, and "sinners" I saw along the way and how I found God on my own.)
Daddy's Girl - The life lessons my Dad taught me: finances and credit reports, taking care of my car, hanging out at the bookstore, computers care, more
Step-Daddy's Girl - My second Dad and how I was lucky to have two separate men help shape my life choices (I thank him the most for getting me out of private school)
Mom/Hero/Life Coach/Best Friend/Idol - My mother deserves her own book in the Bible like Esther based on what I've learned and seen in the past 27 years. How my recent choices and path for life have been based on remembering specific childhood memories that keep popping in my head. Her character, strength, faith, decisions, and actions are all remembered from as young as 8 and inspire me each day. She is the reason:
I trust so so so (too) easily
I am a giver, not a taker
I can take a lot of shit from a man before I call quits
I can't say no and when I do I feel horrible for a long time
I am so nice to anybody/everybody,
I make those around me feel as special as I can b/c if they feel special then I'm happy,
My happiness comes from making other people happy even if I'm miserable
I can take on a lot, but then I crash and cry it out. Then its over and done and I move on.
I am energetic, silly, and hyper. I like to make people laugh (and happy)
I give people 2nd, 3rd, 4th.........100th chances. It takes a lot to cut you out. I'm too nice.
I will always remember how to save money, go to thrift shops, and bargain shop
I take forever to make a decision (especially if its a big one)
I ask so many everybody questions they probably don't even know or
I ask advice, opinions, even when I already know but I just want approval
And so much more
Bucketlist....I hate that word. How about the "My Life is Awesome List"(updates on my life list and my plan to complete everything on it and why everybody needs to create one immediately)
Vacay like a Rockstar (Guide to planning a trip just about anywhere and do everything you want)
Yes I am dating a Black Man, (interracial dating after growing up in an all white community)
"He's just NOT that into you" (the movie that only gave you a preview of what you should really know)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My Life List
1. Get married
2. Have children (3)
3. Buy a house
4. Get a new car (suv)
5. Finish School
6. Get a great job
7. Graduate school for a master's degree
8. Pay off credit card debt
9. Pay off student loans
10. Have a big savings account
11. Buy a new laptop
12. Be completely 100% organized
13. Learn how to cook (classes?)
14. Learn Spanish
15. Learn another language
16. Start a blog
17. Write in a journal every day
18. Write an article for a magazine or online
19. Write a book (published)
20. Become a freelance writer
21. Read 1 book each month
22. Read the whole Bible
23. Pray every day
24. Take an art or craft class
25. Make scrapbooks
26. Make Mom scrapbook or collage.
27. Recycle!
28. Join at least 2 nonprofit organizations
29. Change someones life
30. Volunteer a few hours each month
31. Organize a charity fundraiser
32. Give up/dedicate a birthday or Christmas to charity
33. Go on a charity/volunteer vacation
34. Run a marathon
35. Swim for a whole mile
36. Complete triathlon
37. Go on a long hiking trip
38. Go camping
39. Climb a mountain
40. Go skydiving
41. Go white water rafting
42. Go skiing
43. Learn how to surf
44. Own a bike and ride it
45. Go up in a hot air balloon
46. Go sailing
47. Go on a cruise
48. Visit all 50 states
49. Live in another country
50. Travel or live in Europe (go back to Rome!)
51. Lose weight and maintain
52. Get back into lifting weights
53. Get professional pics taken
54. Be a vegetarian for 1 month
55. Go to Disneyland
56. Swim with dolphins
57. Go scuba diving
58. Take my mom on vacation to special place she has never been
59. Learn how to sew (make a piece of clothing)
60. Change jobs until I'm completely happy
61. Take dancing lessons
62. Stay in touch with old friends (email, call, myspace, facebook, etc)
63. Call my family more often
64. Get a tattoo
65. Get my palm read (fortune teller)
66. Learn how to meditate
67. Take a yoga class
68. Take a Pilate's class
69. Become an expert or teach a class
70. Meet someone new every day
71. Get coco (my dog) a work certificate
72. Go to church on Sunday (become a member)
73. Message all my friends on myspace, facebook
74. Rescue a dog
75. Take horseback riding lessons (ride a horse)
76. Go to museums, art shows, etc more often
77. Attend a wine class, learn about wine
78. "Forgive" people from my past, overcome anger
79. Be positive every day
80. Run 30 miles a week every week
81. Run 2 miles in less than 14 minutes
82. Start my own business/work for myself
83. Go on a picnic
84. Be on Amazing Race!
85. Go 30 days with no soda
86. Go 30 days with no chocolate
87. Learn how to change a tire
88. Say no without feeling bad
89. Meet the President
90. Make a fashion journal (magazine pics)
91. Go to Britney Spears concert
92. Attend a catholic mass
93. Go to drive in movie theater
94. Learn more about how to plants (how to plant and keep alive)
2. Have children (3)
3. Buy a house
4. Get a new car (suv)
5. Finish School
6. Get a great job
7. Graduate school for a master's degree
8. Pay off credit card debt
9. Pay off student loans
10. Have a big savings account
11. Buy a new laptop
12. Be completely 100% organized
13. Learn how to cook (classes?)
14. Learn Spanish
15. Learn another language
16. Start a blog
17. Write in a journal every day
18. Write an article for a magazine or online
19. Write a book (published)
20. Become a freelance writer
21. Read 1 book each month
22. Read the whole Bible
23. Pray every day
24. Take an art or craft class
25. Make scrapbooks
26. Make Mom scrapbook or collage.
27. Recycle!
28. Join at least 2 nonprofit organizations
29. Change someones life
30. Volunteer a few hours each month
31. Organize a charity fundraiser
32. Give up/dedicate a birthday or Christmas to charity
33. Go on a charity/volunteer vacation
34. Run a marathon
35. Swim for a whole mile
36. Complete triathlon
37. Go on a long hiking trip
38. Go camping
39. Climb a mountain
40. Go skydiving
41. Go white water rafting
42. Go skiing
43. Learn how to surf
44. Own a bike and ride it
45. Go up in a hot air balloon
46. Go sailing
47. Go on a cruise
48. Visit all 50 states
49. Live in another country
50. Travel or live in Europe (go back to Rome!)
51. Lose weight and maintain
52. Get back into lifting weights
53. Get professional pics taken
54. Be a vegetarian for 1 month
55. Go to Disneyland
56. Swim with dolphins
57. Go scuba diving
58. Take my mom on vacation to special place she has never been
59. Learn how to sew (make a piece of clothing)
60. Change jobs until I'm completely happy
61. Take dancing lessons
62. Stay in touch with old friends (email, call, myspace, facebook, etc)
63. Call my family more often
64. Get a tattoo
65. Get my palm read (fortune teller)
66. Learn how to meditate
67. Take a yoga class
68. Take a Pilate's class
69. Become an expert or teach a class
70. Meet someone new every day
71. Get coco (my dog) a work certificate
72. Go to church on Sunday (become a member)
73. Message all my friends on myspace, facebook
74. Rescue a dog
75. Take horseback riding lessons (ride a horse)
76. Go to museums, art shows, etc more often
77. Attend a wine class, learn about wine
78. "Forgive" people from my past, overcome anger
79. Be positive every day
80. Run 30 miles a week every week
81. Run 2 miles in less than 14 minutes
82. Start my own business/work for myself
83. Go on a picnic
84. Be on Amazing Race!
85. Go 30 days with no soda
86. Go 30 days with no chocolate
87. Learn how to change a tire
88. Say no without feeling bad
89. Meet the President
90. Make a fashion journal (magazine pics)
91. Go to Britney Spears concert
92. Attend a catholic mass
93. Go to drive in movie theater
94. Learn more about how to plants (how to plant and keep alive)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Why blog?
What an accomplishement! My blog has finally been created. This is my first offical blog entry. All of the posts prior to this one were written before this blog was created. Since I have been writing periodically for the past three years, I wanted to share my written thoughts and experiences as they occurred. Since there has already been so much explained about my past, today I plan on writing on what is actually happening now.
Today was a good day even though it rained here in Oklahoma. I should be used to this weather by now, but I still miss the always sunny California. Even though Oklahoma is not as bad as I thought it would be, I still have not entirely embraced this new home of mine. A few people have told me that it might take me up to a year to feel at home here. With 4 months down and 8 to go, I will remain hopeful. Of course having a job would help this situation since I would actually be doing something. Last week I heard back about a position that I had applied for back in February. Even though I was selected for the position, I am now waiting for the official offer and start date. Having a job will help me to pick up the pieces of my life that fell apart.
Well thats all for now. Goodnight
Today was a good day even though it rained here in Oklahoma. I should be used to this weather by now, but I still miss the always sunny California. Even though Oklahoma is not as bad as I thought it would be, I still have not entirely embraced this new home of mine. A few people have told me that it might take me up to a year to feel at home here. With 4 months down and 8 to go, I will remain hopeful. Of course having a job would help this situation since I would actually be doing something. Last week I heard back about a position that I had applied for back in February. Even though I was selected for the position, I am now waiting for the official offer and start date. Having a job will help me to pick up the pieces of my life that fell apart.
Well thats all for now. Goodnight
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I Need a JOB
Written November 6, 2008
I haven’t written in about two months. I apologized to myself and now I am moving on. Let’s see what’s new with me?
My last class is much better than the first time I took it. Of course with no military training interference, I am able to get online when I need to and write my papers without interruptions. Of course, I told myself that I would be doing my work ahead of time and have every single assignment completed before it was due. Well, it seems that I will always procrastinate, unless I am taking adderall. That is honestly the only thing that works for me.
I still haven’t lost all the weight that I have gained over the past year. I can’t fit into any of my jeans, work clothes, or anything else for that matter. I wear sweats and workout clothes every day and I’m really tired of it. I went running today for about an hour with Coco. My chocolate lab demands physical exercise which has motivated me to get out of the house. I hope that I keep up my morning walks/runs so that I can shed off some weight before the holidays. I have cut out some foods in my diet and I hope to become as healthy as I was before.
Clee and I are still in Tulare, California. We are so ready to move away from this place and start our future together. We have always considered this location to be temporary so we haven’t focused on planting any roots here. We don’t go out too much, I haven’t gotten a job, and we really don’t have too many friends. I hate not working. Well, let me rephrase that…..I hate not having money, I love not working. Seriously, I have to get a job and soon. I am running out of money and fast. I have been barely paying my bills and after this month, I will be completely dependent on someone else for the first time since I was 15. I miss my nails, my hair appointments, my stylish clothes, and all my splurges on sushi and other expensive fun stuff. This may have something to do with my depression and this rut I seem to be in right now. Hopefully getting a job will improve my life, so I can say that I am happy again.
I haven’t written in about two months. I apologized to myself and now I am moving on. Let’s see what’s new with me?
My last class is much better than the first time I took it. Of course with no military training interference, I am able to get online when I need to and write my papers without interruptions. Of course, I told myself that I would be doing my work ahead of time and have every single assignment completed before it was due. Well, it seems that I will always procrastinate, unless I am taking adderall. That is honestly the only thing that works for me.
I still haven’t lost all the weight that I have gained over the past year. I can’t fit into any of my jeans, work clothes, or anything else for that matter. I wear sweats and workout clothes every day and I’m really tired of it. I went running today for about an hour with Coco. My chocolate lab demands physical exercise which has motivated me to get out of the house. I hope that I keep up my morning walks/runs so that I can shed off some weight before the holidays. I have cut out some foods in my diet and I hope to become as healthy as I was before.
Clee and I are still in Tulare, California. We are so ready to move away from this place and start our future together. We have always considered this location to be temporary so we haven’t focused on planting any roots here. We don’t go out too much, I haven’t gotten a job, and we really don’t have too many friends. I hate not working. Well, let me rephrase that…..I hate not having money, I love not working. Seriously, I have to get a job and soon. I am running out of money and fast. I have been barely paying my bills and after this month, I will be completely dependent on someone else for the first time since I was 15. I miss my nails, my hair appointments, my stylish clothes, and all my splurges on sushi and other expensive fun stuff. This may have something to do with my depression and this rut I seem to be in right now. Hopefully getting a job will improve my life, so I can say that I am happy again.
No Smoking
September 27, 2008
Today will make it the first time that I have written two days in a row. On the flight back to California, I made a promise to myself that I would keep writing on a regular basis. I’m not really sure why I haven’t been writing. I just don’t think about it or I think about it after I am already in the middle of doing something else.
There is a reason why I remembered to write today. I realized that today will make it DAY 4 that I have not smoked a cigarette. My smoking habits had increased about a year ago, around the time that I realized my life was all wrong. I have been smoking occasionally ever since high school. I normally had a few cigarettes when I went out for drinks, and sometimes I would quit smoking for months at a time. The last couple of times I came to visit Clee in California, I didn’t even have to try to quit smoking, so I’m not sure why this time was any different. Four days ago, with only one Marlboro light left in my pack, I told myself that it was time to quit. I think about it sometimes, and I try to convince myself that it will be my last pack, but honestly how many last packs has it been so far?
Now, if I could only make that kind of commitment to running and writing, my life might just fall back into place.
Today will make it the first time that I have written two days in a row. On the flight back to California, I made a promise to myself that I would keep writing on a regular basis. I’m not really sure why I haven’t been writing. I just don’t think about it or I think about it after I am already in the middle of doing something else.
There is a reason why I remembered to write today. I realized that today will make it DAY 4 that I have not smoked a cigarette. My smoking habits had increased about a year ago, around the time that I realized my life was all wrong. I have been smoking occasionally ever since high school. I normally had a few cigarettes when I went out for drinks, and sometimes I would quit smoking for months at a time. The last couple of times I came to visit Clee in California, I didn’t even have to try to quit smoking, so I’m not sure why this time was any different. Four days ago, with only one Marlboro light left in my pack, I told myself that it was time to quit. I think about it sometimes, and I try to convince myself that it will be my last pack, but honestly how many last packs has it been so far?
Now, if I could only make that kind of commitment to running and writing, my life might just fall back into place.
Searching for Myself
September 26, 2008
The last time I wrote, I was on a plane returning back home to California. It will probably be one of those days that I will never forget. I’ve been trying to find the best words to describe my feelings on that day, but I honestly can’t even figure it out myself.
I felt happy, excited, relieved, guilty, shameful, confused, angry, betrayed, and most of all disappointed. With so many emotions constantly running through me, it all makes since as to why I can’t get back to normal.
The promises I made to myself are not happening. I don’t have a job, I can’t get back to running or the gym, I can’t get my relationship back to normal, I can’t get ME back. That girl that was always on the go, always finding a way to work out no matter what, always maintaining her appearance compared to the highest standard, always ready to go out for drinks and meet new people, and always smiling because she was having fun. That girl was me or I guess I should say used to be me.
I’m not back to normal yet and by normal I am referring to the person I was before everything that has happened in the past few years. I want to get back to happy, confident, and fun.
Its not that I haven’t tried…..I have been looking for a job, I registered to take my final course before graduating (again), I go running or to the gym occasionally, and I’m trying to be the me that Clee fell in love with.
The last time I wrote, I was on a plane returning back home to California. It will probably be one of those days that I will never forget. I’ve been trying to find the best words to describe my feelings on that day, but I honestly can’t even figure it out myself.
I felt happy, excited, relieved, guilty, shameful, confused, angry, betrayed, and most of all disappointed. With so many emotions constantly running through me, it all makes since as to why I can’t get back to normal.
The promises I made to myself are not happening. I don’t have a job, I can’t get back to running or the gym, I can’t get my relationship back to normal, I can’t get ME back. That girl that was always on the go, always finding a way to work out no matter what, always maintaining her appearance compared to the highest standard, always ready to go out for drinks and meet new people, and always smiling because she was having fun. That girl was me or I guess I should say used to be me.
I’m not back to normal yet and by normal I am referring to the person I was before everything that has happened in the past few years. I want to get back to happy, confident, and fun.
Its not that I haven’t tried…..I have been looking for a job, I registered to take my final course before graduating (again), I go running or to the gym occasionally, and I’m trying to be the me that Clee fell in love with.
Flight to Life
Written July 26, 2008
Today is the day I start living. I am not referring to the day that I was born and I am not a believer in rebirth or reincarnation. What I mean is that today is the first day for me to take back control of my life. I will always remember today because it is the beginning of happiness. Today is the beginning of a new chapter of my life. It is a day that I will never forget because it will always be a reminder of personal strength and growth. Today I am free and I can now begin to work towards peace and happiness, two feelings which have been erased from my life for so long that I fear that I will forget what they are like.
I am on a plane writing in a standard notebook tablet because my laptop continues to blackout immediately after I unplug it from the outlet. I'm sure I have a problem with the battery or charger, but sure enough when technology fails, one can always depend on pen and paper.
I plan on writing everyday, similar to journal entries that will also include stories and information about my past. Three years ago, I planned to write a book, but I have to wonder if "Blogging" is the new "Book" for the 21st century. It is to early to predict what will become of my written thoughts and experiences.
My plane is getting ready to land which means that I am one stop closer to being home. After several flights in the past two years, it is this one flight that I will never forget. Years from now, I will still recognize this flight as one that had a great impact on discovering myself.
Today is the day I start living. I am not referring to the day that I was born and I am not a believer in rebirth or reincarnation. What I mean is that today is the first day for me to take back control of my life. I will always remember today because it is the beginning of happiness. Today is the beginning of a new chapter of my life. It is a day that I will never forget because it will always be a reminder of personal strength and growth. Today I am free and I can now begin to work towards peace and happiness, two feelings which have been erased from my life for so long that I fear that I will forget what they are like.
I am on a plane writing in a standard notebook tablet because my laptop continues to blackout immediately after I unplug it from the outlet. I'm sure I have a problem with the battery or charger, but sure enough when technology fails, one can always depend on pen and paper.
I plan on writing everyday, similar to journal entries that will also include stories and information about my past. Three years ago, I planned to write a book, but I have to wonder if "Blogging" is the new "Book" for the 21st century. It is to early to predict what will become of my written thoughts and experiences.
My plane is getting ready to land which means that I am one stop closer to being home. After several flights in the past two years, it is this one flight that I will never forget. Years from now, I will still recognize this flight as one that had a great impact on discovering myself.
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